Prom season is upon us, again.

I am only aware of prom season every year because I have always had a family member who is a teacher -- first my father, then my wife -- who ends up going to a prom.  I myself never thought I would go to a prom, not even my own prom.  Although believe it or not, I did actually go to my senior prom.   This essay is a humorous and reminiscent look at  [not the prom ....oh geez, what happened that night is a story unto itself, perhaps one that I should take to my grave] of the asking someone to a prom.  As a framework for my essay, I am using an ehow.com (if I had only known about this 25 years ago!) instructions on how to ask a girl to a prom.  

Step 1:
Select the girl you wish to ask to prom. The girl should be someone you know and are friendly with. If you've been on a date with her before, that makes her an even better candidate. However, even if you are just friends, you can still ask her to prom.

Although I was not dating anyone there was no doubt who I would ask to the prom -- Laura.  She had shoulder length raven black hair that was usually flowing loosely around her head, rarely any braids or berets, just a loose witchy and windblown look.  Eyes...like a doe...big and beautifully lashed.  But it was not the shape of the eyes, although the shape of the eyes themselves were beautiful, almost oriental, it was the iris -- beautiful blue swirls like a blue aggie marble from a shoebox in my closet from my long passed childhood  with deep pupils that were so black and bottomless pits that they were like a black hole tugging on my very soul.  Beautiful pale skin.  A bit of a pointy nose.  I realize as I write this she sounds a little witchy by my description, but if she was a witch she was a good witch, and she had cast her spell on me.

Step 2:
Find out whether she is going with someone else. If you aren't comfortable asking the girl directly, ask a couple of her friends whether they know if the girl in question is attending prom with anybody yet. If she isn't, that's a green light to proceed.

We were in 12th grade physics class together.  One day she forgot to do her homework and I had let her copy my homework.  I still recall the homework she copied from me, it was about the physics and trigonometry and some "real-life" example...like a calculating the forces of reeling in a fish on fishing line, when the pole is at a 47 degree angle.   There was a physics lab coming up....wave theory....the class was breaking up into groups of 2 each group with small pans of water....and we were going to study reflections of waves or dismantle particle theory or something with our little experiment and pans and cup of water.  Before we were prom partners, we were wave theory partners.
My greenlight to proceed I owe to Cat Stevens.  Laura had a slip of paper with what looked like poetry, but I recognized it not as poetry but as lyrics to some songs from Tea For The Tillerman.  Bring tea for the tillerman, steak for the sun, wine for the woman who made the rain come....   Here was our common ground, and it was home turf for me, for I knew the lyrics to several songs from this album.  Cat Stevens had given me the green light.  I could work up the courage to ask.

Step 3:
Talk to the girl who you decided to ask to the prom. Relax and be yourself. Broach the subject of the prom and gauge her reaction. If she seems open to the idea of going but doesn't mention a date, that's a clear signal that you can prepare to ask her to the prom. Even if she doesn't sound too excited about the prom, you can still plan on asking her. Her hesitancy might be associated with a lack of a date for the prom.

Relax?  Oh please that is the most ridiculous advice I have ever heard.  For an awkward teenager to relax when asking out his dream witch/girl to the prom.  Relax?!   I have lost all respect for ehow.com ....zero credibiity.

Step 4:
Ask the girl to the prom in an informal setting. You don't have to be on a special date to ask her. However, it's best to ask in person rather than over the phone. Once you have decided to ask her, just do it and get it over with. Ask her simply and directly. Whatever her answer, the stress will be over.

Well, I wasn't relaxed, but managed to ask, and to my surprise Laura readily said 'yes.'  Yes!  Yes!  Sweeter words I have never heard.  Bring tea for the tillerman, steak for the sun...

• Yoga for your nose
• A form of waterboarding not even practiced by the CIA
• Nasal cleansing
• It has left me feeling like I have been body surfing off the coast of Wellfleet for 4 hours
  

This song played by Garcia and Grisham I now interpret as a warning against working at start-up software companies.  

When first I came to Liverpool
I went upon a spree
Me money alas I spent too fast
Got drunk as drunk could be
And when my money was all gone
'Twas then I wanted more
But a man must be blind to make up his mind
To go to sea once more

[Interpretation:  I am broke and willing to take chances (go to sea) to make big money.   "Go to sea" can either mean join a start-up, or drive to route 128 which are the great hunting grounds of software engineers.  "Blind" is a metaphor for ignoring the obvious difficulties which will ensue.]

I spent the night with Angeline
Too drunk to roll in bed
My watch was new and my money too
In the mornin' with 'em she fled
And as I roamed the streets about
The whores they all would roar

Here comes Jack Rack, the young sailin' lad
He must go to sea once more

[Intrepretation: Hmmm....same as above stanza mostly.  We are introduced to Jack Rack, the protagonist in this story.]

As I was walkin' down the street
I met with Rapper Brown
I asked for him to take me in
And he looked at me with a frown
He said "Last time you was paid off
With me you jobbed no score
But I'll take your advance and I'll give ya's a chance
And I'll send you to sea once more

[Intrepretation: Rapper Brown....hmmm...who is he?  A venture capitalist?  A head hunter?  An old friend who is a hiring manager now?]

I hired me aboard of a whaling ship
Bound for the Artic seas
Where the cold winds blow through the frost and the snow
And Jamaican rum would freeze
And worst and bear I'd no hard weather gear
For I'd lost all my money ashore
'Twas then that I wished that I was dead
So I'd gone to sea no more

[Intrepretation: The whaling ship, and all aboard it, are the employees of the start-up company.   The Artic seas is the cold marketplace.]

Some days we're catching whales me lads
And some days we're catching none
With a twenty foot oar cocked in our hands
From four o'clock in the morn
And when the shades of night come in
We rest on our weary oar
'Twas then I wished that I was dead
Or safe with the girls ashore

[Intrepretation:  Whales are ...hmmm...bonuses?....small victories of releasing software version?  Four o'clock is the long hours you have to work.] 

Come all you bold seafarin' men
And listen to my song
If you come off of them long trips
I'd have ya's not go wrong
Take my advice, drink no strong drink
Don't go sleeping with no whores
Get married lads and have all night in
So you'll go to sea no more

[Intrepretation: Drink no strong drink means do not drink the Kool-Aid of the startup.   ]

Funny article in the New Yorker Magazine by Steve Martin....

A recent observation....hmmm...maybe observation isn't the correct word....I take that back, let me start again.  I have hearing something unique in the conversations of some people that I have not heard before.  It's a speech pattern where the word 'so' is used frequently, excessively even, and always at the beginning of a sentence as a connecting conjunction.

Let me give an example:

• Person 1:  What is the nature of X?
• Person 2: So the way that ......

This pattern is so (my apologies for using 'so', that wasn't a pun) prevalent that it is almost like when I was a kid in Worcester we would say "wicked good"...and I found out later that other people in other parts of the country didn't say "wicked good."  Or like the Valley Girls use of the word "like".  "I was at the mall, and, like, I wanted to buy those shoes because like the price was excellent". 

"Wicked good" and "like"....I can't discern why these words were used so frequently.  On the other hand, using "so" as a connecting conjunction does seem to have some purpose, or purposes.  For example, if my son asked me, "Dad, why is the sky blue?" and I respond "So the sky is filled with gases such as nitrogen and oxygen and blah blah ...."   Beginning with "so" allows me to begin talking without really answering the question, and in fact, I don't know why the sky is blue.  It sounds better to start with "so" rather than saying "The sky is filled with gases such as nitrogen"....this sounds too definitive...and also clearly incorrect and a non sequitor whereas if I start with "so" I am going to blab along and you continue to listen thinking that I may eventually answer your question if you are patient and listen to me blab along. 

So "so" provides some very convienent connectivity to link my response to your question.   And in this regard I think it adds a sense of caring or unity to bind the conversation of two people together.  Your words are not metaphorically hit like a tennis ball over the net and you wait for a response....your words  are considered, thought about, and responded to in a caring fashion.

It also adds a lack of definition.  "What is 3 plus 3?"  "So the addition of two numbers is often performed by ...."   It takes a step back from the specificity of the question and begins by providing some context.  In this regard "so" is a sign of thoughtfullness, but possibly also at the expense of clarity.

Interestingly, there is a 2nd part to this speech pattern that I think is a definite  counterpart to "so"...and that is the expression "yeah, yeah, yeah [spoken quickly]".  So if I am in listening to some long drawn out answer, often begun with the connecting conjunction "so", and I may go "yeah, yeah, yeah".  Used in this way, "yeah, yeah, yeah" seems to mean 2 things.  One, I understand what you are saying, so it provides feedback and more unity and affirmation to what is being said...connectivity, caring, and affirmation of two thoughtful people engaged in conversation.   "Yeah, yeah, yeah" also sort of says "Please fast forward through this..."  sometimes.

What makes a speech pattern catch on and be used by many people?  So beginning a sentence with a connecting conjunction is contrary to rules of grammar; but, speech patterns like these catch on if, like, it is wicked good.

Call me Ishmael. Some years ago -- never mind how long precisely -- having little or no money in my purse, and nothing particular to interest me on shore, I thought I would sail about a little and see the watery part of the world. It is a way I have of driving off the spleen, and regulating the circulation. Whenever I find myself growing grim about the mouth; whenever it is a damp, drizzly November in my soul; whenever I find myself involuntarily pausing before coffin warehouses, and bringing up the rear of every funeral I meet; and especially whenever my hypos get such an upper hand of me, that it requires a strong moral principle to prevent me from deliberately stepping into the street, and methodically knocking people's hats off -- then, I account it high time to get to sea as soon as I can. This is my substitute for pistol and ball. With a philosophical flourish Cato throws himself upon his sword; I quietly take to the ship. There is nothing surprising in this. If they but knew it, almost all men in their degree, some time or other, cherish very nearly the same feelings towards the ocean with me.

 

 

• The demographics of interstate rest areas/service stops are skewed and do not represent the general population. There are a lot of old people at service areas; or, more accurately, there is a higher percentage of people who need to go to the bathroom more frequently than the general population. My family does not need to go to the bathroom often, if ever; and I do. Not that I have to go to the bathroom that often. When I wake up in the morning I go, and maybe also after a large cup of coffee. But the rest of my family does not have to go at all. My kids...we woke them up at 3:00 AM, and they did not even need to pee until after noon. How is this possible? And my wife Cindy, holy mackeral. I stopped at a service area to go to the bathroom on our 12 hour ride from Michigan. I said to Cindy, "Did you go to the bathroom?" Cindy replied, "I have to go, but didn't. I am going to try and wait until Albany."  And the award for this self-imposed suffering is?
• My wife's driving drives me nuts.  Let me rephrase that, she is an excellent car driver, but differences in our driving style cause me stress.   Her overriding motive is to go 5 mph over the speed limit no matter what.  "I need to get around these trucks."  Push push push.  I live to drive mellow. 
  
• In the USA, town signs say something like "Entering Paxton, Incorporated 1687".  In Canada, town signs say something like "Entering Town ABC, population 7,500, 3 interchanges".   The difference intrigues me.  USA likes business..."incorporated."  Canada is proud that  a certain number of people actually live in  this area.
  

This was an interesting video that made me think about civic leaders and politicians, bosses and managers.

 The video defines bad leaders rather empirically -- a toxic leader is someone who leaves you worse off than when you started.   This is rather circular definition, but ok. 

But then it goes on to discuss the followers of toxic leaders...and why they follow, and continue to follow toxic leaders.  Toxic leaders somehow touch their followers promising them well-being, safety, to take care of them.  Suprisingly, even symbolic "immortality" by convincing followers that they are building something or being part of something that will outlast their lives.

As I apply this to managers and leaders, politicians...it becomes rather interesting.  A business leader may be followed...even down erroneous or unethical paths...if you think it will lead to your personal wealth or career growth.  And take a politician...Bush for instance...why are is followers still behind them.  What is it they believe in...that Bush is creating a world that will be "profitable" for them and their children...or that his vision of America or the world is "correct"?

Quote

How Bad is YOUR Boss?

Jean Lipman-Blumen talks about how normal people become our worst leaders. Her book THE ALLURE OF TOXIC LEADERS explains why we tend to follow destructive leaders, how we can spot them, and how to prevent them from ruining our lives.

The most valuable resource anyone has is time. If you doubt this, consider the following: if a man loses all his worldly possessions in a disaster, he can eventually gain them back given enough time. What he can never get back is the time he has already spent gaining all those possessions. Not only is time a one way road on which we cannot turn around, we don’t even know how far that road goes. At any moment, our lives can end in the blink of an eye. Our time on this planet is the most precious commodity we have. This is the primary reason why, all things being equal, people seek to satisfy their desires sooner rather than later. You may not be around later.

While the tendency is for wealth to increase over time, time itself never increases. We only have 24 hours a day to allocate in the way which best satisfies our wants and needs. Those wants and needs vary from person to person. The poorest of the poor in our world who live on a dollar a day use all their available time and energy merely trying to stay alive. Those who are fortunate enough to live a more affluent lifestyle have more options than simply meeting the most basic human needs. Regardless, all of us have a finite amount of time to allocate in whatever way we choose.